You would think that as a person who has spent eight months blogging about my disability that it’s a topic that comes naturally to me, something that I want to shout about from the mountain top, but to be completely transparent I don’t like talking about my disability. You may think that I am completely comfortable and confident about sharing details of my disability since I blog about it, but that is definitely not the case.
In a previous post I shared some specifics about my disability. I’ll be honest and say that it was extremely uncomfortable. If you read my last post, I stated that I was reluctant to share about my disability because of the book I’ve written. Well, another reason I was reluctant to share is because many people who know me don’t know what my disability is. They know I have a disability obviously, but they don’t know the nature of my disability. I don’t talk about it unless someone with intrusive questions ask. I stated in my very first post “overcoming the fear of sharing my testimony” that I feel asking a disable person about their nature of their disability is rude and I still feel that same way today. Discussing about the nature of their disability is a sensitive subject for some people.
A lot of people couldn’t tell what I was dealing with on the outside, but I believed that they wouldn’t like me or would look at me different if they found out the truth. So, I buried my secret as deep as it could go. I never shared it with any of my close’s friends back in school. I can still remember all the questions I got from people asking why I was short. People didn’t know that a hole that I was born with in my spine caused me to be short. I didn’t want to explain so I would just let them go on with whatever theory they came up with.
It was hard looking in the mirror and not like what I saw. When I’m around tall people I always feel a little inadequate. And when people that are taller than me make cracks about my height, they don’t understand that it is due to my disability and so I don’t find it funny. I’ve always appeared to look significantly younger than I am. When people saw how actually intelligent or how well I articulated myself , they were impressed. I want people to stop underestimating me. Just because I have physical disability does not mean I am incapable (except maybe when it comes to reaching the top shelves lol). Just because I have a disability doesn’t mean I am worth less than anyone else.
In an effort to not be underestimated, I sometimes hide things about myself. I don’t often talk about having a disability openly. I try to avoid situations where I’ll be asked about it. I feel that if people don’t know about my physical disability, they won’t underestimate me. I don’t want to be seen as “the disabled girl on crutches” I want people to get to know me for who I am. I have a desire to be deeply and truly known and a desire to point people to Jesus.