Handling family gossip and lies

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Family gossip…. It’s almost unavoidable in families especially in African American families. But is there anything you can do about it? The scriptures teach us how to handle gossipers in the church and how to deal with conflict with your brother or sister. Yet, when it comes to handling your family members that talk about other family members, how should you handle the situation?

This is an issue I personally deal with in my family. One side of my family members talk about me and my son. Since taking my relationship with God seriously I can’t help but to reflect on this situation in dealing with my family. For the most part, what I hear they are saying isn’t even true. I sit here wondering is there anything I could do to rectify the situation. What I have come to find out there is no easy way to take specific steps to keep yourself apart from family gossip and drama.

Sometimes we spend years sacrificing our emotional well-being and mental health under the notion “we have to” because they are family. It may be time to curtail spending time with family when the contact with them brings you down or makes you feel not good enough or when it causes so much stress that it affects other areas of your life, when your emotions are always caught up in defending yourself and wanting to explain yourself and the chaos to your other relationships is all you talk about, if you find yourself obsessed trying to right the wrong made to you and constantly losing sleep over it. Gossip only serves one person and there usually is a ringleader gathering the troops for the assault made against you.

However.…make sure you are not playing the blame game because that’s not beneficial either. Verbal warfare will never convince them of anything. This is a battle you will need to fight in prayer. A family member wanted to come regulated about a situation they know nothing about and because she was told lies from another family member. I wanted so badly to call and give her a piece of my mind. But the Holy Spirit told me that is going to make matters worse, pray for her and let it go. Let it go?? Lord, but I’m sick of this! She’s always running her mouth and don’t have the full story. However, in the end if I’m going to be a Kingdom Citizen, I have to submit the sovereignty  and wisdom of God. I also must give credence to the scriptures ( See Ephesians 6:12). In my flesh I’m going all directions off but I have to remember that my fight is not with my family members but it’s against the devil that wants me to get misfocused from what God wants me to do and what the scriptures calls civilian affairs (2 Timothy 2:4). The devil has used family since the beginning. Look at Adam and Eve. Satan will always use family to distract us from what God wants us to do. We have to be spiritually mature in that we have to forgive those family members who choose to be used by the devil, fight the enemy through spiritual warfare and continue to be a witness for the Kingdom.

Published by: Kim Petitt

As a person living with a disability challenge is part of my life. I struggled with my identity and I recognize that I still have insecurities to face, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in everything God has purposed me to walk in despite my insecurities. Because of the nature of my condition and physical disability, God's grace is evident in my life everyday and I find strength in the word of God that says in Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who gives me power". (CJB).

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15 thoughts on “Handling family gossip and lies”

    1. In a perfect world, family would be the place that helps soften the blow when you fall. The place you turn when times get tough. Unfortunately, this world is far from perfect. And the sad truth is sometimes family isn’t what it’s intended to be.

      It’s important to set boundaries to protect your emotional health and peace of mind. In certain situations, your safety. It’s also important to show grace and be open to reconciliation.

      Like

    1. It’s not easy!! The family drama and gossip that goes on in my family was making my life miserable. I’ve been struggling and praying about how to deal with my family biblically.

      I want to be the Kingdom Citizen God has called me to be. It seemed no matter how much I forgave and turned the other cheek, the mistreatment never stops. As a Christian I don’t want to go off or respond in anger and hurt.

      My relationship with my family isn’t a healthy one. My aunts and uncles clearly favor other nieces and nephews over another and though they don’t visit my mom but always wants to jump in to fight her battles. It hurts me the way favoritism is displayed.

      I want to remain respectful to family, yet this has been happening for years with no signs of remorse and I don’t know how to make them understand how hurtful their actions are to me. It’s hard when people don’t treat you right but its especially hard when its family. I understand I may never get them to understand. But I don’t have to put up with it by sticking up for myself and setting boundaries. And, I don’t have to be rude about it in the process.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Great post. Gossip has never helped me to truly “vent”… I always have felt heavier and more upset at the person afterwards. On the other hand, bringing it before God, I can be as open and forthcoming as I want to be and it makes no difference to him. He sees my thoughts and heart anyways, and he alone sees the full story. Usually, when I “gossip” to God, I come away lighter and with more love for the person than when I began.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gossip kills relationships. On top of hurt feelings are other emotions i.e anger, pride, resentment. Setting time aside to ask the Lord to search our heart and praying for that person helps us to look at that person and situation differently.

      I’m not to lie I was angry! The Bible doesn’t condemn us for being angry. The scripture says,” be angry but sin not”. It was okay to feel angry but what wouldn’t have been okay was to give her a piece of my mind. But boy, did I want to. The devil was like, “do it” she has it coming she has been dogging you and your son out for a long time. Unresolved anger and holding on to grudges leads to a whole category of sins and it rules your life. I prayed for her, surrendered my feelings to God and trusting Him to take care of it.

      Releasing our negative emotions to God is the healthiest way to handle them. God says, to cast all our cares upon Him for He cares for us.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is bad to deal with strangers who gossip about you, but is even worst when it is your own family.
    Family should love and care for each other. As you said, pray for them and let God vindicate you. I will remember you in my prayers. Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!♥️

      My story regarding my family isn’t one I’m proud of. But, for the purpose of this post it may help someone who feels like they are the black sheep of their family.

      Like

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