How history can influence our parenting style

Child records and Imitates the behavior of adults / Electrical circuit between child and adult/ Modeling behavior for children / Positive and negative poles of batteries between child and adult minds

Outside a relationship with Christ, ‘personality’ makes us who we are. It influences every aspect of our lives including how we interact with others.

Growing up in a family of strong personalities that exhibited controlling behavior affected me in my adult life.

Sometimes, family can go from being helpful, to being “too helpful.”  As my son transitioned into adulthood, trying to find the balance between allowing my son to be independent and still looking out for his best interest have been challenging and a process. I didn’t always know how to let go and allow him to make his own decisions. I now understand that leaning too far in one direction can result in a controlling household.

I read somewhere that families and parents that control a child’s every move create adults who display maladaptive behaviors. You can’t be a dictator, you have to learn how to work with your children especially through the teenage stage.

I grew up being a perfectionist, often times to avoid criticism from within the family. As an adult it carried over to my everyday life. Its caused problems in my workplace and relationships. Which carried over into areas of uncertainty in the form of self-doubt. I sought out affirmations from everyone and anyone. I had difficulty doing just about anything without getting approval from someone even now it’s still a battle. I have struggled with feeling intimidated around people with a controlling demeanor, this was a carry-over from feeling intimidated and belittled within my own family as a child and even as an adult. My decisions were taken over by my controlling family members, this made it difficult for me to learn how to make decisions for myself. I’d seek input from others or simply avoid making them at all.

Before I confronted these deep-rooted issues, I was unaware that I processed my emotions in unhealthy ways which left me feeling intimidated by people who probably had no ill-will towards me. I found it hard to relax, always feeling like I was being watched or scrutinized. As an adult, I still felt like I was being watched by my family regardless of how far they were away from me.

When I began to exercise my freedom, the Holy Spirit showed me these areas that had affected me in profound ways, I didn’t even realize I was exhibiting such behaviors.

If you see yourself in my story there is hope, the power of the Holy Spirit is able to transform issues that took place during the course of your life. Because, believe it or not these deep-rooted issues affect how you parent which impacts your relationship with your child.


 Mental health experts can help you untangle from the effects of having grown up with a controlling family or parental figure. I am a Believer that you can have Jesus and a therapist. There is no shame in going to counseling—you don’t have to stay bound.



Published by: Kim Petitt

As a person living with a disability challenge is part of my life. I struggled with my identity and I recognize that I still have insecurities to face, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in everything God has purposed me to walk in despite my insecurities. Because of the nature of my condition and physical disability, God's grace is evident in my life everyday and I find strength in the word of God that says in Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who gives me power". (CJB).

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17 thoughts on “How history can influence our parenting style”

  1. Great post Kim! Being controlling can lead to bitterness. Bitterness occurs when we submit to our controller unwillingly and our ability to choose is denied us.
    We shouldn’t make our children become bitter and despise us. It is interesting that our past experiences can unconsciously affect us if we don’t consciously address them.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a helpful post Kim. It’s important to recognize our faults and past pain and pray for God’s direction for healing and restoration. Getting counseling when needed is a good thing.


  3. So true. We have a wide range of choices. We do not have to remain under bondage. Since there is no school that specialized in taching parenting we all have to learn by trial and error and from the examples that are set by your parents. Blessings to you.


    1. It’s so important to have a spiritual mentor (Titus 2:4). As Kingdom women we need on child rearing, marriage or whatever is baring down hard on us, we need the voice of an older woman (older in the spirit, age has nothing to do with it). A spiritual mentor not only gives wise counsel but equips the young mom in the area of motherhood.

      As a mom who was shaped by my nature and nurture I took my desire to “help” my son to a crazed level. It took a wise kingdom woman to lovingly point out that while my actions served well& intentioned, I risked causing my son to become resentful. She imparted the golden nugget of advice that I cling to today and with the desire to teach and encourage other moms.

      Thanks for reading! Blessings to you!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Loved the way you penned the versus on the bitter-sweet journey of parenting. And yes! We all face that last moment poop, that fever just in time for the trip, that cold which spoils the party! Btw, you looking fab on the night 🙂


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